Does this count as a New Year's resolution?

"I'm a strong proponent of having adventures, but only in the name of achieving balance. Stand still for too long and you're restless, run for too long and you're exhausted. The other side of the coin is the static serenity of home. 

If you're prepared to exercise a healthy dose of both daring and caution, the only caveat is this: An adventure without a mission feels a lot like wandering, and wandering - for too long - feels a lot like being lost. The conclusion? You don't necessarily have to look before you leap... just know why you're leaping."  –  Kathleen S., 2011

When I originally imagined moving to a new, faraway, and foreign place, I thought it would be such a life altering adventure. I truly thought that after Matt and I got to WA things would fall into place just the way I envisioned it because obviously, if I was living someplace else than I would stop procrastinating and start doing all of the things I wanted to accomplish with my life.

As you can see, I had a ridiculously unrealistic and romanticized idea of what my life would be like if I were living somewhere else. It was silly for me to assume that my location would change my life so grandly when the biggest piece of the puzzle was still the same – me.

After five months of feeling unsettled, I think I have finally realized what has been missing – a rallying point, a sense of direction for my everyday choices (and a nearby support network to see me through, but I can't have everything, can I?).

When I was in school (as I have been for the past 16 years), most of my choices revolved around my education – what books I would read, what my daily schedule looked like and how much free time I had for extracurriculars and friends. This is the first period of my life not determined by my first day of class, the school holiday schedule, and exam times. I feel lost without the guiding force of the school year.

The days seem to blur together as I aimlessly wander through them towards no particular objective. To remedy my drifting, I am going to embark on a journey, albeit a slow and ambling course, of self-improvement to see me through my days. As a beginning point, I am going to use the product of an exercise that I did with Matt two years ago. What we did was, individually and without conferring, create a list of short & long-term goals we wanted to accomplish (this was to help us evaluate our future plans and make sure there weren’t any huge discrepancies between the visions we had for our shared future).

What I would like is to utilize this blog as a tool to evaluate my progress while keeping in mind the broader goals I want to achieve. Of course, I will be ecstatic to cross off minor goals I achieve along the way but what I really want is for this to be an ongoing project of self-development. To start, I will list the goals as I originally wrote them (last edited 3/2013):

• Make dean’s list
• Don't get pregnant before graduating from college
• Earn a job I love
• Volunteer for a cause I love
• Live up North for one year or more
• Live abroad for one year or more
• Buy local products (meat, seafood, produce)
• Read more nonfiction books
• Become an amateur astronomer
• Become more interested in current events and news
• Become politically engaged
• Stay physically fit
• Plant a flower, herb, fruit and vegetable garden
• Build a house
• Evaluate and develop the spiritual facet of myself
• Develop and maintain relationships better
• Be a supportive lover, friend and coworker
• Don’t get caught up in the insignificant details
• Be a looking glass for others
• Grow up to be a Centenarian (added 8/2012)

A few of these things I have already accomplished, a few are currently in progress, some I haven't even thought of yet and some I will not even begin to tackle for another decade. Regardless, it is nice to see all my life-goal ducklings written in a row – it gives me a sense of purpose. I want to live in a better world, therefore I must begin with being a better person.

"The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands." - Robert Persig

"Action is character, our English teacher always says. I think it means if we never did anything, we wouldn't be anybody." - Jenny Mellor in the movie "An Education"

#SeaSnow

Seattle is undergoing some really intense weather. We've had freezing temperatures and snow storms and sleet and ice storms the past few days. The power has gone out at our places of employment and at some of our co-workers homes (but not for us, thank goodness!).

We are grateful that Matt's work is closed because of the power outages and hope that my evening work shift will be canceled as well. I really don't wish to be driving on these roads, especially after dark. Our tiny car was not built to handle such wild conditions, nor have I much experience with them. (Update: my shift tonight was cancelled!)

We are safe and warm right now. Drinking lots of hot tea & hot chocolate, eating chili & oatmeal. Thank goodness I stocked up on food and good library books a few days ago! Thus far, we are enjoying being snowed in and are hoping to remain so until the weather & road conditions become more reasonable.

The winter wonderland we woke up yesterday!

When the snow was just beginning....

Snow on all the plants & cars

Sledders in our backyard

The snow after the sledders got to it. It melted some yesterday
& then refroze during the night. The snow isn't so soft and fluffy anymore.

Finally we were brave enough to venture out for a few minutes!

Ice clinging to the tree branches.

Icicles on the bushes

Back indoors with my cookie monster feet to keep me warm!

Saturday Share: Holidays, Health, & Visiting Family

So, where did we last leave off? Christmas. Yes. Christmas day Matt and I had gifts to open which was oodles of fun. Afterwards, we made breakfast together and lounged around until it was time for lunch & watching Home Alone.

Chocolate pumpkin spice cake slice
topped with homemade whipped cream!

Our Christmas Pizza - sausage
& zucchini! Yum.

It was a wonderfully relaxing day and I didn't even cry until we were in bed that night. I just couldn't stop thinking about how if we had been at my parents house, I would have been in my pajamas leaning against the stove in the kitchen watching my mother make lime jello at one in the morning after a full evening of family festivities. Matt held me while I wallowed, gently singing the chorus to "achey breaky heart" over and over again (he couldn't remember the rest of the song).

The next few days weren't so bad and passed without incident until two days before New Year's Eve. I was at the grocery store in the aisle with dried beans and condiments looking for pinto beans to cook in our crock pot when I came across a stack of black eyed peas on a nearby shelf. The first time I can remember having black eyed peas and rice on New Year's Day was with my in-laws. 

And just like that, I proceeded to bust out into tears thinking about how much I missed Matt's family and how I hated not being able to see them over the holidays. This time, Matt wasn't around to comfort me and I had to pull myself together without the his aid which was much more difficult, especially in conjunction with how loony crying in the grocery store made me feel. 

As much as I enjoyed spending time with Matt and liked the idea of doing our own thing on the holidays, I was having a really hard time adjusting to the reality of what that meant. I love reconnecting with my family through traditions and relishing the good memories associated with the things we do. As much as I didn't want to admit it, the holidays were breaking my heart and making me wish I had never moved away.

It doesn't help that I have been back and forth to the doctor lately, which always leaves me feeling anxious and vulnerable. It's nothing serious as far as anyone can tell, just vague symptoms like fatigue (which makes my work as a server extra taxing) and night sweats newly accompanied by a hard knot in my abdomen. 

Because of my past medical history, my doctor doesn't want to piddle around and wait for things to work themselves out. He ordered some tests and sent me on to a specialist who ordered some more tests. So I shell out money and act like a lab rat, all the while hoping that they won't find anything of significance but will find something to ease my mind about what my body is doing.

Anyway, after a quiet New Year's Eve in and a few more days of work, the time for Matt and I to visit our parents had arrived! We were only back home for about 5 days (2 1/2 days with each of our families), which wasn't long enough to satiate fully my need for family time but I will take what I can get! It was revitalizing to see and hug and talk with so many people I cared about. 

Our time was filled with conversation and laughter and gift giving and incredible amounts of eating...steak and bruschetta and breakfast tacos and a traditional Christmas Eve dinner and fajitas and guacamole and homemade french toast. It was an awesome and exhausting trip and I can't wait until we can go back again! Until then, we're stuck in real life.

What we're into this week:

• In Matt's free time from his heavy load at work, he is playing Dead Island and Borderlands and working on his Python skills.
• I'm in the midst of several books/series, all very enjoyable: the extremely popular Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins (set to come out on film in March), The Farseer & Tawny man triologies by Robin Hobb because my life wouldn't be mine without some fantasy/scifi, Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis which is a recommendation from my mother who has her own obsession with orphans in Africa, The Urban Homestead by Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen which is filled with fascinating tips and ideas about living a more sustainable lifestyle in the middle of a city.
• Quote on my mind:  "Hugging is good medicine. It transfers energy and gives the person hugged an emotional lift. You need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. Scientists say that hugging is a form of communication because it can say things you don't have the words for. And the nicest thing about a hug is that you usually can't give one without getting one." - le-tang.tumblr.com

Alas, I've been writing this post for so long that it is no longer Saturday, which I am guessing means I should get to bed.