Our One Year Wedding Anniversary!

I've been considering what to write for this commemorative post for several weeks now. Did I want to reminisce about our wedding, discuss the ways that we've grown as a couple over the past year, wax poetical about love and marriage in general terms? I even looked back to my journal for inspiration. What I found there made me laugh:

January 18th, 2011

Official confirmation of plans to wed.

January 23rd, 2011

Is this really happening? To me?! I am 110% ready to marry Matt and spend the rest of my life with him. I do not doubt that we can conquer and work through anything that comes our way. One big rule: we will NOT be the gender stereotypical husband & wife, but partner & spouse. Things have been so crazy and I really need more to time to relax but life is running me ragged! Maybe next weekend? I promise myself right now that this will NOT get out of hand. I will have a beautiful celebration but not at the expense of my sanity or anyone else's. What I care about wedding-wise: spending time with my family and Matt's family; a pretty, simple dress; a clean, handsome suit; two comfortable rings. Screw the rest!

March 6th, 2011

Talking to Matt on the phone - today has been stressful - the past few weeks have been stressful. I bought a dress for the wedding celebration. SIGH. Things have gotten difficult. Fast. But I guess we will survive. This will all end soon. 10 week countdown to May 15th, 2011!

And that is the last post in my journal. A few months after my last entry, I started this blog but that is a lame excuse for my absence in a journaling habit I've kept over the past decade. In my defense, I think that the 5 months of our engagement were the craziest, busiest and most emotional months that I've experienced since I was a wild and hormonal thirteen year old.

Anyway, after great indecision I finally decided to share the two pieces of relationship advice that have stayed on my mind over the past year. The first nugget of marriage wisdom comes from Matt's cousin, Autumn, who wrote to us and said, "There is no magic formula for a successful marriage, only love, trust, honesty and open communication. When all else fails there is always paper, rock and scissors to help with compromises!"

I love this advice because it demonstrates the basic tenets of any good relationship (love, trust, honesty, and open communication) while admitting 1) that marriage takes effort and 2) what works for one marriage won't necessarily work for another. It also recognizes that comprise and humor are useful tools when problems arise (which they undoubtedly will)!

The second piece of advice came from a random gentleman at the grocery store. Matt and I were debating the merits of different coffee brands and flavors when he approached us. He told us that we reminded him of a younger version of himself & his wife who came to pick out their daily brew just after being married forty three years ago! After telling us this adorable anecdote, he cautioned us with a gentle phrase, "Hang in there. Stay in love."

At first, the phrase "stay in love" seemed a little too generic to be good advice, but after reflecting for a while I think I understood what he meant. He meant that we should stay fond of each other as people, stay interested in the daily things and small quirks, stay connected and aware of one another. All those little things that people in love do without a second thought. 

Why those two pieces of wisdom have stuck with me, I don't know but I like them and there is comfort in knowing that good advice is out there, even if we don't really need it just yet, still being newlyweds and all. One year down, seventy eight years to go (I'm going to live to be a hundred, don't cha know)!

Anniversary Dinner Date!

Mothers & Daughters

Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing Moms that I know, including Grandma's and Momma's-to-be! Where would we be without y'all? In honor of day, I thought I would share  my absolute favorite Mother's Day postsecret card ever posted and a heartbreakingly beautiful letter:

The Found Essay: Letter from a Mother to a Daughter

“My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago.” Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. 

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way. Remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair, and dealing with life’s issues every day. 

The day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient, or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. 

When those days come, don’t feel sad—just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you, my darling daughter.”

Essay courtesy of Spring In The Air

Does this count as a New Year's resolution?

"I'm a strong proponent of having adventures, but only in the name of achieving balance. Stand still for too long and you're restless, run for too long and you're exhausted. The other side of the coin is the static serenity of home. 

If you're prepared to exercise a healthy dose of both daring and caution, the only caveat is this: An adventure without a mission feels a lot like wandering, and wandering - for too long - feels a lot like being lost. The conclusion? You don't necessarily have to look before you leap... just know why you're leaping."  –  Kathleen S., 2011

When I originally imagined moving to a new, faraway, and foreign place, I thought it would be such a life altering adventure. I truly thought that after Matt and I got to WA things would fall into place just the way I envisioned it because obviously, if I was living someplace else than I would stop procrastinating and start doing all of the things I wanted to accomplish with my life.

As you can see, I had a ridiculously unrealistic and romanticized idea of what my life would be like if I were living somewhere else. It was silly for me to assume that my location would change my life so grandly when the biggest piece of the puzzle was still the same – me.

After five months of feeling unsettled, I think I have finally realized what has been missing – a rallying point, a sense of direction for my everyday choices (and a nearby support network to see me through, but I can't have everything, can I?).

When I was in school (as I have been for the past 16 years), most of my choices revolved around my education – what books I would read, what my daily schedule looked like and how much free time I had for extracurriculars and friends. This is the first period of my life not determined by my first day of class, the school holiday schedule, and exam times. I feel lost without the guiding force of the school year.

The days seem to blur together as I aimlessly wander through them towards no particular objective. To remedy my drifting, I am going to embark on a journey, albeit a slow and ambling course, of self-improvement to see me through my days. As a beginning point, I am going to use the product of an exercise that I did with Matt two years ago. What we did was, individually and without conferring, create a list of short & long-term goals we wanted to accomplish (this was to help us evaluate our future plans and make sure there weren’t any huge discrepancies between the visions we had for our shared future).

What I would like is to utilize this blog as a tool to evaluate my progress while keeping in mind the broader goals I want to achieve. Of course, I will be ecstatic to cross off minor goals I achieve along the way but what I really want is for this to be an ongoing project of self-development. To start, I will list the goals as I originally wrote them (last edited 3/2013):

• Make dean’s list
• Don't get pregnant before graduating from college
• Earn a job I love
• Volunteer for a cause I love
• Live up North for one year or more
• Live abroad for one year or more
• Buy local products (meat, seafood, produce)
• Read more nonfiction books
• Become an amateur astronomer
• Become more interested in current events and news
• Become politically engaged
• Stay physically fit
• Plant a flower, herb, fruit and vegetable garden
• Build a house
• Evaluate and develop the spiritual facet of myself
• Develop and maintain relationships better
• Be a supportive lover, friend and coworker
• Don’t get caught up in the insignificant details
• Be a looking glass for others
• Grow up to be a Centenarian (added 8/2012)

A few of these things I have already accomplished, a few are currently in progress, some I haven't even thought of yet and some I will not even begin to tackle for another decade. Regardless, it is nice to see all my life-goal ducklings written in a row – it gives me a sense of purpose. I want to live in a better world, therefore I must begin with being a better person.

"The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands." - Robert Persig

"Action is character, our English teacher always says. I think it means if we never did anything, we wouldn't be anybody." - Jenny Mellor in the movie "An Education"

Our Vows

To those of you who have written your own vows or other emotional words that are meant to be performed in front of an audience, I bow  to you. This is a monumental task for most of us to take on and for such a reason I am proudly posting our vows for your perusal. These words are by no means 100% our own, but they have been infused with personality befitting their orators. Enjoy.

My vows:

I, Alycia, choose you, Matthew, to be my lawfully wedded partner.
Before these witnesses, I vow
to respect, care for, and grow with you,
through bright times and dark times,
as your ally, equal, and confidant,
giving the most that I can, to fulfill our lives together.

I promise to give you the best of me
and to ask of you no more than you can provide.
I promise to value you for who you are
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.
Matthew, I love you because I know no other way than this:
where you do not dwell, I cannot exist.
I promise to love you relentlessly, always and forever.

This is my solemn vow to you.


His vows:

I, Matthew, choose you, Alycia, to be my lawfully wedded partner.
Before these witnesses, I vow
to respect, care for, and grow with you,
through bright times and dark times,
as your ally, equal, and confidant,
giving the most that I can, to fulfill our lives together.

I promise to listen when you speak
and actually stop what I am doing to do so.
I promise to uphold my half of our partnership
in both domestic and international affairs.
I promise to never take life too seriously,
because it should be filled with fun, laughter and curiosity.
I promise to at least try and be more eco-friendly.
I promise also to love, honor and cherish you 
for as long as I have breath.

This is my solemn vow to you.

"Before we met I was so scared of dying. But if the end comes today this will have been enough." (Source: aSofterWorld.com)